Cast (in order of appearance): Clerk, [Cash Register], Camo Girl
- Camo Girl: [What up, Dog?] Hey, do you have that Backspacer album by Pearl Jam?
- Clerk: [Don't call me Daughter. Bastard.] No.
- Camo Girl: Well, why not? They said it was going to be exclusive to independent record stores.
- Clerk: [The Jam is a lie] Yeah, well making an album exclusive to independent record stores really doesn't mean much when your album is also exclusive to Target and iTunes. [Not so indie record stores] Thanks, Eddie. You did us indie shops a solid.
- Camo Girl: [Ed is dead] I hear it's a great album.
- Clerk: [Then you're not listening] Where the fuck did you hear that?
- Camo Girl: Uh, album reviews.
- Clerk: [Reviews are for people who can't think] Oh, fuck the reviews. I think most of these reviewers just hand out good ratings to bands they liked when they were kids merely on the base of nostalgia, [Remember when Pearl Jam was cool?] rather than being truly objective. [That was a long time ago] 'Cause seriously, if anyone had an honest ear, [Honestly, it sucks] they could easily tell you that the Backspacer album is redundant [Redundant], boring [ZZZzzzzzz] and a sorry display of audible dreck [Sounds like crap] from a once-great band. There's no riffs [Gossard must be stoned], no hooks, and no solos. [McCready on this album?] Just a bunch of poorly produced bitching [Damn you Brendan O'Brien] by a band that should have shared the same shotgun as Kurt Cobain. [I swear that I don't have a gun]
- Camo Girl: Dude, I just wanted to by an album, not get a lecture.
- Clerk: Yeah, well some people need it. [You've failed Music Appreciation 101]