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Restaurants

"Follow my foody advice, you fucking food-serving assholes! Nah!"

Episode 100

Foamy likes restaurants, but he can't stand the Happy Birthday songs, the annoying waiters, and the current system of pay.

Cast (in order of appearance): Germaine, Foamy

TranscriptEdit

Notice The content of the following transcription is rated at a level equal or similar to R.

Profanity, violence, and/or sexual content may be found at moderate to high levels.

{The Warning screen appears.}

{Germaine sits in a chair in the corner of a restaurant, reading a magazine. Foamy appears.}

Foamy: Restaurants! I love eating at restaurants. Any restaurant. I throughly enjoy the atmosphere and appreciate eating anywhere else then my own grubby kitchen. However, certain restaurants have these little things about them that just piss me off. Like those restaurants that decide, when any one of their customers has a birthday, they have all their employees get together and run over to their table and sing their own hideously contribed version of "Happy Birthday". Who started this nonsense? Fine, it may be cute for your grandmother, or some shit like that, but, if you're eighty and under, you surely do not want to be embarrassed by this half-hearted jingle sung, out of key, by some half-witted food service. If this happened to me, I'd wait for these clowns to get just close enough to my table, {waves a knife and fork widly} so that I can start swinging my eating utensils around wildly, maiming and disembowling anyone who is careless enough to get too close. And when the police arrive, I'll just say "Well, officer, this large group of people came running towards me with a cake on fire. I thought I was being attacked, and acted accordingly." Off the hook. I also hate restaurants that do shit half-assed. Like when you ask for iced coffee, and all you get is a warm coffee with a cup of ice next to it. That is not iced coffee. Another thing that bothers me: Why is it that every time I'm stuffing my face, the waiter or waitress picks that exact moment to ask me how everything is? How do they expect me to answer if my mouth is full? I, personally, think they choose this inconvenient time just so they can assume all is well and scoot off before you can swallow your food and answer. Me, I... I don't like these mind games. So I grab the person by their arm before they can leave, slowly finish chewing my food, and then give a twenty minute critique of the food they serve. Then, I ask them to replace the meal with a new one, because it went cold when they decided to interrupt me and waste twenty minutes of my time. They should really work out a system where you can pay accordingly to how satisfied you were with your dining experience. That would kick ass. This way, you could take off a few bucks for each little annoyance. Flat soda: minus a dollar! Ugly waitress picking her nose: minus three dollars! Screaming child that was not thrown out: minus ten dollars. I guarantee you'll have a better dining experience with these rules firmly in place. {off screen} Follow my foody advice, you fucking food-serving assholes! Nah! {Germaine looks up from her magazine.}

{The Ending screen appears.}

Fun FactsEdit

TriviaEdit

  • Germaine's magazine reads "Big D Quarterly".

Real World ReferencesEdit

  • The window shows a store called "St. Mooks Comics", which is a reference to the popular comic and book store St. Marks Comics in New York City.

External LinksEdit


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