(Title Screen Appears)
(Warning Screen Appears)
(Foamy is typing on his laptop)
Foamy: Dear Santa, or guy known for his beard, this letter's from Foamy with squirreley cheer.
Most people would start by asking for stuff, but not this little squirrel, I have more than enough.
Though this year, I ask for a simple request, I know your just Santa, but give it your best;
As seasons go by, we grow greater complaints, of seeing icons of Jesus and statues and saints.
For Christmas I'd like to enjoy it once true, without liberal schmucks burning pictures of you!
Some don't like Christmas, and I can't really see why, we get to eat turkey, get presents, and pie.
PETA might not like the turkeys of course, but gifts for the masses, how is that wrong?
Folks who hate Christmas scream "tolerance for all!", but intolerate difference when it's right at their door.
They bitch and complain about Christmas in town, while Menorrahs and Kwannzas are on the school grounds.
It's a known double standard, both simple and true, so I devised a solution, especially for you.
I know you give coal to those who are naughty, but might I suggest, something more sporting?
I would lace candies with minty-fresh poison, and give them to morons so they can enjoy them.
What better way to put this issue to rest, than get rid of those whiners with candies of death.
So forget all the toys, and stuff on my wish list, I just want to have, an enjoyable Christmas!
But of course if you find room on your sleigh for a treat, cream cheese is good, and bagels are neat.
That's all from the Foamy, and I'll see you real soon, and make sure you bring candies, I have morons here too!
Why do all of my letters to Santa rhyme? Damn it.
(End Screen Appears)