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As the years have gone by and Halloweens have come and gone, have you noticed that people are becoming more and more pussified over the years? I am so sick of hooking up my house with scary shit and having some dumbass kid of the week complain to their parents that the house is "too scary." Kid, you're fucking 12. A plastic skeleton in a tree is not scary! GO TO YOUR ROOM! I'm also tired of the cutesy decoration everyone buys from the local card store or party supply place, like the smiling ghost or the goofy-but-loveable Frankenstein. STOP WITH THE DOE-EYED DECORATIONS. They blow and make you look like an old jerkbag with bad candy! I'm also sick of brats showing up to the doorstep "dressed" as some hipster vampire from some tween romance novel. "And who are you supposed to be?" "I'm Edward from Twilight." "Yeah, sure you are. Girls still hate you. GO HOME." Guyliner is NOT a costume. Make an effort!

And is it just me, or has the chocolate gotten cheaper-tasting over the last five to ten years? I mean, it's like two steps away from flavored fucking plastic! I am so sick of bad-tasting chocolate that I'm seriously considering leaving dead babies at the doorstep of every chocolate maker in the country! And I'm not talking about cheap-brand chcocolate, I'm talking about "name-brand" chocolate. Those names you know and trust and have been supplying quality candies since the turn of the century. And, speaking of these "brand names", stop downgrading the chocolate bar sizes! Years ago, regular-sized bars were close to king-size bars! Now, king-size is a small regular. Regular is now small. Small is now "fun-size", whatever the fuck that means! And bite-size is like, rabbit turd. Stop fucking with my chocolate! I know you're all scrimping on the ingredients and I know you're all fucking with the chocolate sizes. STOP DOING BOTH. Fun-size, what the fuck is fun-size?! Who bites into one of these things and says "Holy crap! Isn't this fun?!" If you can't hide a razor in it, it's not fun.

I'm also tired of Halloween being rushed. It's like no one pays attention to it until three days before, and zero days after. All the while before, during, and after, every store in the mall already has their Christmas shit out! So instead of seeing spooky decorations around your local area on Halloween, you're greeted with fucking reindeer lawn ornaments that giggle when you walk by. Santa has no place in Halloween! Tim Burton already established that! STOP RUSHING HALLOWEEN. Let people enjoy it, and stop dumbing it down so the kids won't be scared! Halloween without scares is NOT Halloween. It's a trip to the Hallmark store! STOP THAT! You fucking losers, oh my God! AAH! Not scary!

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