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File:Foamy Fan Mail VI.png

Episode Number

Description

Cast (in order of appearance): {{Film|Character}}

Series: Foamy Fan MailFoamy Fan Mail II (Postage Due)Foamy Fan Mail III (Return To Sender)Foamy Fan Mail IV (Burn Baby, Burn)Foamy Fan Mail V (Ashes To Ash)Foamy Fan Mail VIFoamy Fan Mail VIIFoamy Fan Mail VIIIFoamy Fan Mail IX

TranscriptEdit

{{PG-13/R/NC-17}}

{The Warning screen appears.}

Foamy: Welcome one and all to the new set of (dun dun dun dun dun dun duuuuuuuuunnnnnnn) Foamy Fan Mail! Yeah, that's right, the entire set's been updated. We got new computers, we got new shit on the wall, and a cap-o-chino machine. This shits' the best. Yeah, it set us back a bit but damn it when I'm all night answering fucking emails, I need my caffeine! Alright so instead of giving you a fucking tour, lets get straight to the emails! This one I've been holding onto for quite some time.

"Dear Foamy: I've been on the fat-kins diet for 3 years, and I have no problems. And I like the diet, and I don't think the comments you made in the fatkins cartoon was true .... blah-blah-blah" you get the basic idea. Another preachy motherfucker from the fucking Fat-Kins Choir. It's people like this you cannot reason with, because no matter what you say, they still think you're wrong. So, here's my response:

"Dear Carb-Counting Jerkoff: Since your brain has been deprived of carbs for so long, there's no way to reason with you because the logic section of your brain has been rotted away! If you don't like my comments on the fat-kins diet, go cry in a bowl meat, and leave me the fuck alone! Just remember when you're 35-40 years old and you're clutching your chest from a heart attack, trying to dial 911, remember the words of Foamy! As you pass out onto the floor and regurgitate 5 pounds of meat that was stuck in your fucking colon. You fat bastard.

P.S. Stop trying to champion a dead man's diet. Nobody gives two shits about your fat-kins propaganda, keep that fucking mindless information to yourself. You fucking mindless zombie piece of shit. Choke on some bacon and die! I'm gonna go eat some Twinkies and enjoy them, without having to hear some fucking carb-counting rhetoric, shouting in my ear by some moron who doesn't have the self-esteem to be themselves. Go fuck yourself and die twice! Signed, Your carb-eating friend, Foamy"

OK! Now that these carb assholes are outta the way again, I'm gonna go have a Twinkie now! Twinkies for all!!! Next Letter!

"Dear Foamy, Do you think you will ever get a new Foamy Fan Mail set?"

heheh ... well

"Dear Foamy, Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

Oh jeez here we go.

"Dear Hopeless Romantic, I don't have a girlfriend because I don't need to validate my existence through the existence of somebody else. Having a girlfriend does not make you a better person, nor does it prove to the rest of your friends that you're cool. I'm personally 100% confident in my own personality to be able to live a viable existence without having to have a fucking leach clinging to my wallet! The rest of humanity would do well to follow the example of Foamy! Stop getting into superficial relationship bullshit. Most of the individuals misery usually comes from a significant other, a bad relationship, a bad marriage, or some bullshit like that. How about getting to know yourself and living life? See! Supreme logic from the supreme being! meah!"

"Dear Foamy, I'm a writer and I would like to write a cartoon."

"Dear Aspiring Writer, I do not need someone who doesn't know me, and doesn't know my character, putting words into my mouth. I don't need to be sitting around memorizing lines and, you know, talking and shit like that. Most of this is unscripted anyway, so your work has no use here. That's right, I said unscripted, like this!

"Whoah!! Doing some actions that are not scripted. Making it up as I go along!"

You see? Improv! Doesn't anyone do improv anymore? Anyway in short, I don't want your scripts. If you want to be a creative writer, and make up stories, go work for the New York Times. Thank you for watching, Your unscripted lord and master, Foamy"

And until next time, my minions, my friends! This is Foamy, signing off!




{The Ending screen appears.}

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