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File:Fat-Kins Diet.png

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{{PG-13/R/NC-17}}

{The Warning screen appears.}

Foamy: OK, I'm fucking sick of this Fat-Kins diet. You fucking carb counting assholes really need to stop. All I hear out of everyone's mouth is "Oh I can't eat that, It has carbs" Well, you know what, you need carbs. If you don't have carbs, your brain rots and your liver gets damaged. Nice. You're thin and have some weird ass mental disease and a bad liver. Yep, the vanity is worth it.

I'm also sick of this fucking exchange program, where you minus the fiber grams from the fat grams and the carb grams, to determine what the carb ratio is in your food. Fuck that. When I pick up food, I'm not gonna start doing addition and subtraction to see if it's a fucking meal I can eat. How about just minusing some fucking food from your everyday eating binges you fat bastards. Stop looking to some dead man for a quick fix diet and just eat like a sensible human being.

You never see any fat squirrels do ya? Why?

Because we exercise by jumping from tree to tree and only eat nuts, and the occasional bagel that someone throws out.

Stop being so concerned about your image and just be yourself. If you're a fat bastard, fine, be a fat bastard. If you're an anorexic jackass with a thyroid problem, fine, be a twig. Stop doing all these unnecessary diets.

Cause you know, once you get down to your goal weight, you're gonna be like "Sure, I can have an extra piece of cake, look at all the weight I lost." Then before you know it, rrrrweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Back on a diet cause your ass is falling out of your jeans.


Just be yourself. Eat that twinkie. Enjoy that cake, buy that extra pound of gourmet cream cheese you always wanted!!! And if people look at you funner because you're too fat or too skinny, tell them to fuck off and die. You do not need to adhere to the idealistic vision of beauty marketed by fashion magazines and negatively reinforced by a society dumb enough to believe that beauty only appears on the cover of a magazine.

Fuck them all.

Now where's my waffle sundae?? {The Ending screen appears.}

I want my waffle sundae, give me my carbs. I'm a bitter cunt who will die alone! Yay!

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