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Foamy: You know what I hate about death? No, it's not the dying. It's the amount of importance and (mock) respect (normal) placed upon a person once they're dead. That irks me. Here lies a man, a man who annoyed everyone he ever came in contact with. You know, that sleazy office worker that continuously had sex with the Mexican cleaning lady in the supply closet, making all of your paper clips sticky and unusable. The same guy who took the last bit of coffee in the pot without making a new one. The fat fuck that stole everyone's lunch on a daily rotation throughout the work week, creating for himself a never-ending buffet of consumable diversity. He never admitted, never apologized, and was a complete dick. (mock) "Oh, don't say that. Have some respect for the dead." (normal) Well, what the fuck for? All my life, I wanted this guy to drop dead and, finally, he did. And I can't be happy about it? Screw that! This guy was a prick!! And then the eulogy. I hate these things. To me, all it is is a 10-minute summary of an individual's life leaving out all of the bad parts. Here's an example. Today, we lay to rest a man who loved his country and saw great things for his people. A man both commanding and determined. A man whose vision was far-reaching and influenced many. Artistic and out-spoken, he immediately grabbed the attention of mankind worldwide. Today we lay to rest, Mr. Adolf Hitler. Almost sounded like he was a good guy for a minute there, didn't it? I think eulogies should be based on truth. Here lies some prick who was a murderous asshole, who also had self-esteem issues, and who was a mediocre artist at best. Here lies Mr. Adolf Hitler. May worms melt out of his eyes and may Satan fuck him in the ass with a pitchfork. You get a few of the eulogies tossed into the mix, and you may actually get more people to attend these fucking, lame-ass, boring, life-draining funerals. Just an opinion, but I think, most would agree. Rest in peace, fucker.

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