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File:Dating Advice.png

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{{PG-13/R/NC-17}}

{The Warning screen appears.}

Foamy: This is going to be dating advice from the lord and master - Foamy!

Alright you women out there, listen closely. These guys you should look out for, the type of guy who is driving around listening to fucking dance music like Zombie Nation and stupid dumbass songs from the mid 90s that nobody gives a shit about. You know they turn it up really loud to get your attention while driving by as if you're going to throw yourself on top of the car and start pounding at the windshield and say 'Oh I love you because you're playing Zombie Nation" Yeah okay. What the fuck ever. What you do is aim for the tires and fucking blow those shits out and then he will crash into a fucking telephone pole.

Fuck that shit, and watch out for those guys who come over on the weekend and they do is sit on their fat ass and watch football, and then every 5 minutes they say 'Hey babe can you get me a beer from the fridge' Fuck that shit! Tell that fat bastard to get up and get it himself. If he gives you a response like 'Well I work all week" Well you know what? I'm sure most of you women out there work all week and have to take care of a fucking child. Tell that fat bastard to get up and get his own fucking beers! Tell him it's the least you can do since you've been carrying around a child around in your fucking stomach for 9 months. These lazy fucking bastards just fucking piss me off. And watch out for guys that call you by pet names more than they do your own name, and if they refer to you as 'my girl' you drop that fucker like a rock.

And not to get down on all you guys. Don't worry, there are women you should be looking out for too. Alright, like any women that dresses around like a damn slut, you don't want to be affiliated with. If you can see more cleavage than a plumber's ass, don't get involves. It's just going to cause problems when you decide to become possessive and dominearing over their life.

Also, watch out for women that wear expensive jewelry. You know, the kind of fucking bitch that has 15 different rings on each finger. Oh and people with name plates. You know, these fucking women who have their names on this little chain, as if they'd fucking forget and then women who have their own name tatooed on their own body is just fucking stupid. Like are they really that stupid that they wake up in the morning and say 'Oh my god! What's my name' and they have to look at their ass in the mirror to find out who they are 'Oh that's right, I'm Amy' give me a fucking break! You don't want to deal with women who don't know who they are. Oh, and here is a good test, when you're window shopping, if they pull you by your arm to a jewelry window, smash their hand into the window and run because you don't want to deal with some money hungry bitch. My only piece of advice to have a sound relationship is to leave each other alone. Don't be overly concerned. Don't try to domineer them. Let them be independent. Let them do what they want. You think you people can understand that? But yeah, there are some reasons to be suspicious like if your girlfriend walks into the room with a condom on her head then you know you may want to ask a few questions, but other than that, try to trust the other individual. If it doesn't work out, you know what? Fuck them, let them drop dead from some weird disease and die. You're better than that and you don't have to validate yourself through another person's life. Every individual is an island and can be and island. You do not need a significant other to live live. So stop seeking something that isn't there and move on.

Suckers



{The Ending screen appears.}

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