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Foamy: Accidents at home. Have you heard this before, that studies show that accidents occur at home? Did you know that? Yes, each year all sorts of hard-earned taxpayer dollars go to stupid organizations that these stupid studies that tell us something obvious. (mocking) Well, studies show that most accidents DO occur at home. (normal) Well, no shit, wouldn't it be obvious that since you live in this home and spend 90% of your life in these homes, wouldn't common sense dictate that, yes, most accidents would occur in a place that you spend most of your time. (mocking) Well, studies show that fewer accidents happen when you're on vacation. (normal) Well, since I only get to take one vacation, say, every six years, chances are that's correct. Don't do it much, so chances of an accident are pretty slim. Good job, research department. Then, they try to get detailed about these same studies by looking closer into the (mocking) subject matter. (mock) Well, we all know most accidents occur in the home, but did you know most of those accidents occur in the bathroom. (normal). Well, gee, a completely tiled room that gets to be all damp and slippery with large protruding ceramic fixtures jetting out of the walls, you know, razor blades lying around, collecting shears, electrical devices dangling over a sink or tub filled with water. Accidents, there? Nah, get the fuck out of here. (mocking) No, no, no, it's true, and the kitchen. The kitchen is the second-most dangerous room in your house. (normal) Really, the kitchen, you say, you know, whole room filled with sharpening utensils, desk stove, toaster, other various items that create a dangerous amount of heat. You mean this place is dangerous? Get out, I don't believe that for one second. (mock) Yeah, its true, I did a new research study about it. (normal) Well, gee, that wasn't a waste of taxpayer's money. What irks me more than these dopey studies are the studies that tell everyone that these studies waste a lot of taxpayer money. That-that drives me nuts. Do we really need a team of experts telling us that another team of experts are wasting our money? Isn't that a waste of money? They should really let every American vote on what studies are actually done. I don't want some idiotic-scented asshole telling some research group to do a study on how big cars use more gas than economy cars. It's obvious. I think we need to weed out some of these egghead lab-rats and start using the taxpayer money a little more wisely, say, I don't know, education. Just a thought.

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